As is the story I am frustrated and annoyed, I'm tired of working my ass off and getting nothing for it. I am tired of feeling displaced and feeling like I should be somewhere else doing something else, but I'm not I'm here. I am happy for my friends that are out and about doing amazing things, but jealous that I'm not doing anything. I don't feel successful (something that I have strove for my entire life) I feel poor and unsuccesful. As an artist, I see others work and I become discouraged and question my talents as an artist. It is hard for me to see the future for me in art-even though I LOVE ART. Lately, painting has seemed like a chore and it shouldnt be. It's hard to be into your art when you have no space to throw around paint and spill turpentine on the floor.
I never have any money, it always goes to people that don't deserve my hard-earned dollar i.e. gas companies, credit card companies, wal-mart, etc. Just a bunch of greedy ass holes that aren't concerned about the public, but their big fat fucking wallets and their company diner cards. Screw them, karma will get them back one day for being greedy bastards.
I finally put my finger on my unhappiness with parts of my life and that is when I was in college i.e. Malibu, I lived in a dreamland. Going to class every day with rich people who drove 70,000 cars and wore 500 dollar jeans isn't my reality. Not having to really pay for anything, going out, skipping class, etc. all a dream world. Now, its different and having responsibility sucks.
In the past few days I have also seen and heard about a great deal of injustice, details are not important...but it makes me sick how as a society we can tolerate some of the things that go on here.
Anyway, I am generally not such a hanious person, but tonight seems to be a pretty shitty night.
-J-
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