I have been in the field of working with individuals and kids with special needs for awhile now. There is much that I have seen and experienced and even more I have yet to learn. When I started in the field I worked with older adults who have had both physical disabilities and mental handicaps. It is always interesting to see how the family relates to that member or how the family does not relate. So many of these people I worked with ended up in the black hole of a system because their parents gave them away, many at birth. I work with a awesome man now, who when his mother saw him at birth she instantly did not want a less than perfect child with mental retardation and immediatly gave him up for adpotion.
It has been an interesting change to be where I am now because what I am learning is how parents first learn that their expected "typical" child is hard of hearing or even worse deaf. This is devastating enough and what happens if the child has another co morbid disability? In one of my classes we are reading a book called, "If a Tree Falls" which is about how two parents essentially dealing with a child who happens to be deaf. The writer takes the reader on her vision of her child before she learned of the hearing loss, one that talks, sings, etc. It is understandable her grief when she learns that this maybe shattered. Luckily, for the people who are deaf, it is a good possibility that a child will be a "typical" child with some assistive technology devices such as hearing aids and the Cochlear Implant. However, explaining all the new advances in technology to a grieving parents--might as well speak another language.
I have a really good friend who happens to have a child that due to complications at birth has a disability that will require care for life. I cannot imagine how this couple dealt with the fact that their son would require this huge amount of care. Rough stuff. Now, though, their son is a bit older and they have devoted themselves to this child. They are his advocates for life, and fight for injustice for people with disabilities. These people are awesome! I wish I could see more parents like them.
What about the parents that could not see their child first as a child and not merely as their disability? I try always to put myself in other peoples shoes and for this I can understand. I do not agree with methods but I can understand. In certain cultures it is considered the parents (especially the mother) fault if they have a child with a disability. How sad. So when a child is born with MR and CP, the parent will only see those disabilities and how their child is Not normal.
Having worked with kids with disabilities as teenagers in the system who were abandoned by their parents because of their disability. They will never be okay. They will always carry the fact that it was because of their disability that their parents did not want them. How do you explain to a angry teenager that it is not their fault that their parents left? You can't and they know you can't. Now, we see how important parents are.
Anyone who has kids and has been a parent, I raise my glass to you. I know that it is no easy task to raise children. Think, you're their role model, playmate, chef, disciplinarian, confidant, therapist, etc. and typically when they turn 18 the parent hat doesn't fall off...you're a parent for life. So that in mind, I just think of the awesome parents I have met over the years who have a child with a disability, some with mild some with severe. These are the most amazing people, seriously! They also wear many hats on top of the typical parent hats, especially advocating for their children, doctor, caregiver, everything.
To the parents who are new to this...any child is a blessing. I think if parents can see their child for simply being their child first they can work with any disability they may have. I know that this is said so easily and it is not undermining any grief they may experience because I know it must be substantial. I think it is natural, but in the end the parents who are the best parents to kids with special needs are the ones who accept the child as any other child...just happens to be a child with a disability (or a child with hard of hearing, deaf, and blindness...typically not seen as disabilities).
Anyway to all the parents out there, and my own--many thanks for doing the hardest, but most important job ever.
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